the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
