Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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