two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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