Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
where are my pants?
in the oven.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
