That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
