Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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