i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
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