It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
