I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Randomize
