Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Randomize
