i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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