Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
