can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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