do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I had to cum in my sink.
Randomize
