woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
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