dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
send nudes
from the living room?
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
