just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
