I wish I could punch you in the face.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Randomize
