My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
PANTIES FOUND
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