Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
