How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
