Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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