Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
