Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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