U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
