hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
