i'm lost and i look like a hooker
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
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