I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
