Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
