my soul wont recognize me after tonight
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
