I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
