My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
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