We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Randomize
