He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
