Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
