How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
So. Much. Porn.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
