his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Just invented taco cereal.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
