All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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