she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
Little spoons don't ask big questions
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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