We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize
