I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
