i permit you to call me
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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