hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
