just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
