What a fucking waste of an outfit
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Randomize
