I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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