1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
