Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
