And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
i will never coherently bang her
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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