I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
