Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Randomize
