i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Randomize
