She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
