All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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