Im at strip club and am horny
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
